BREX FACTOR: Crowning the Brexiteers of the Week

The right-wing comedian popped up on Sky News’ Sunrise to explain a previously unknown cause of the Peterloo massacre: saboteur MPs determined to stop a no-deal Brexit.

Doyle, whose creations include the painfully unfunny Titania McGrath parody Twitter account, burbled that the 1819 protestors: “were told ‘you don’t have enough wisdom to vote’…that reminds me of Brexit. Unfortunately the attitude at the moment of most MPs in parliament seems to be exactly the attitude who would have been shared by the government at the time of the Peterloo massacre, which is: ‘You shouldn’t get your say, we know best.'”

Also reminiscent of Peterloo: Thanks to the government, we’ll soon be having food shortages, leading to civil unrest!

3. LANCE FORMAN

The smoked salmon magnate-turned Brexit Party MEP’s company website contains a page bragging that its London Cure fish “was recently conferred the highly-prized protected name (PGI) status, which sets it alongside other protected foods such as Champagne, Parma ham and Wensleydale cheese. Not only is ‘London Cure Smoked Salmon’ now the only smoked salmon in the world with protected status, but London’s first ever food or drink to achieve this coveted recognition.”

Can any readers guess which political and economic institution awards “the highly-prized protected name status” which Lance is so keen on? Clue: If we leave it without a deal, the Londons in Kentucky, Arizona, West Virginia and Texas will be able to produce their own ‘London Cure Smoked Salmon’ without legal challenge.

2. DICK BRAINE

UKIP’s accurately named new leader moaned: “If you look at, for instance, BBC Question Time panellists over the last three years… statistically it’s way off the scale in terms of bias. They hardly ever put real Leave supporters on that show.”

Meanwhile, in the real world, Nigel Farage has made 33 QT appearances, and since 2000 has appeared on more shows than any other panellist. He and other arch-Brexiteers David Davis, Dominic Raab and Priti Patel have been on a combined 20 times in the last three years. Oh, and pro-Brexit UK MEPs have appeared 50 times since 2010, while no pro-Remain UK MEP has ever been invited.

1. IAN HOLLOWAY

The Gollumesque football manager turned pundit believes the EU are to blame for the bizarre new handball rule which cancelled out Manchester City’s late winner against Spurs last weekend.

Holloway told Sky Sports’s The Debate show: “I think that’s people telling us what we need to do with our game, now they should stop doing that. I hope we get out, Brexit, because that’s what people are voting for and sorting that out because you cannot have someone telling us how to do our own game.”

Of course, the rule has been brought in globally by the International Football Association Board and is nothing to do with Brussels.

Just don’t tell Ian you can’t spell ‘Varadkar’ without VAR!

MORE – BREX FACTOR: The surreal political debate taking place on daytime Channel 5

– Hear more from Steve Anglesey on The New European podcast – available Friday mornings on iTunes, Spotify and this website.