The Brex Factor: Making an exhibition of the Farage garage

In a new twist on the stuffy old view of museums as places of enlightenment and learning filled with fascinating artefacts, organisers are planning a permanent display of ‘old speeches, mugs, ties and posters’ to tell the story of our exit from the EU.

What delights can we expect to find there once it’s built? ‘Nigel Farage has 15 years of UKIP in his garage,’ revealed spokesman Gawain Towler, raising disturbing questions about what else might be lurking there. Still, Nigel’s never had any qualms about making an exhibition of himself.

With echoes of the magnificent forward planning seen throughout the Brexit process, the museum is planned to open in Lincoln, where the referendum turnout was well below the national average and only 57% voted Leave, placing it not even in the most 140 Brexity cities and towns in the country.

9. DOMINIC RAAB

The housing and planning minister claimed that house prices had gone up 20% during the last 25 years as a direct result of immigration. His ‘evidence’ was found to be a formula created by the National Housing and Planning Advice Unit, a government quango which was abolished in 2010.

More recent calculations by the Migration Advisory Committee say the impact of skilled immigrants on house prices over a five-year period ‘is likely to be well below one per cent’.

8. HENRY BOLTON

The deposed UKIP leader turned up to a boat-burning protest by Brexity fishermen in Kent only to be snubbed by organisers Fishing For Leave, who told him: ‘We don’t wish to be associated with you. Your diminished political stature was nothing but a detraction from a protest about our struggling communities.’

Bolton might have expected a better reception at home…but girlfriend Jo Marney has used this highly flattering photo of him as the header for her Twitter account.

7. NIGEL FARAGE

The nicotine-stained man-frog attended the same fishy gathering, where for a photo opportunity, he put his arm around a man attempting to set light to an EU flag. Alas, the flag did not burn because, thanks to EU regulations, it was flame retardant.

6. KEMI BADENOCH

The rising Tory star recently revealed her ‘greatest fear is that either [husband] Hamish or I will lose our jobs, which is why we are so financially frugal’. Surely that’s now a real possibility for Kemi after she admitted that a decade ago she ‘hacked into’ Harriet Harman’s website – theoretically an offence for which she could be fined or jailed for up to two years.

The MP for Saffron Walden has since apologised, but should the worst come to the worst, we’ve got a hunch she will just about survive without resorting to Jobseekers’ Allowance. Not only does Badenoch’s own CV boast spells at Coutts Bank and The Spectator, her hubby is chief operating officer of global markets for Deutsche Bank.

5. MIKE READ

The former Radio One breakfast show host, famed for singing his UKIP Calypso in a cod-Jamaican accent, has joined new internet radio station United DJs. It’s described by founder Tony Prince as ‘the Brexit channel…we are going to throw out friendship through the radio and embrace all the countries of the world’.

Read said the station’s name was inspired by United Artists, the movie company founded in 1919 by Charlie Chaplin, Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks and DW Griffith, then all Hollywood legends at the height of their powers. United DJs’ main lineup comprises of Read, Emperor Rosko, ‘Diddy’ David Hamilton and Dave Lee Travis, combined age 297.

4. BORIS JOHNSON

During the referendum campaign Bozzer made a show of lashing out at Nigel Farage’s Breaking Point poster and its ‘xenophobic undertones’, adding ‘I didn’t like it, it seemed to be saying that these were bad people coming to our country. I felt profoundly unhappy with it’.

So what did the foreign secretary do when Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán won re-election this week having used the exact same image of Syrian refugees in his election campaign?

He tweeted: ‘Congratulations to Fidesz and Viktor Orbán… We look forward to working with our Hungarian friends to further develop our close partnership.’

3. PAUL NUTTALL

The former UKIP leader, lunar explorer and three-time Golden Boot winner was collared by ITV to explain his 42% voting record at the EU Parliament, one of the worst in Brussels, and how it justified his £80,000 annual salary.

Nuttall replied: ‘I’m worth every penny to the people of the North West because if it wasn’t for people like me Brexit wouldn’t have happened. I won Brexit. I’m worth every single penny because I helped get Brexit.’

2. LIAM FOX

It’s Foxy Goes To Hollywood this week as the international trade secretary heads to California for hugely important talks with Warner Brothers, the company behind Ready Player One, and Double Negative, responsible for some of the visual effects behind Blade Runner 2049.

What could have attracted the Brexity right-winger to these tales of dystopian futures in which the poor and downtrodden masses are kept in check by shiny technology? Beats us.

1. MASSIMO PINTO

Few are holding out much hope for UKIP’s man in Peterborough’s Paston & Walton ward at May’s local elections after it was revealed that on February 22nd 2013 he tweeted: ‘Peterborough. #PlacesToNeverEverVisit’.

Pinto also reportedly posted several sexist and sexually explicit messages on Twitter between 2012-13.

In a statement apparently written by Bart Simpson, a party spokesman clarified: ‘He can’t remember doing it, but he doesn’t claim he didn’t.’