The Brex Factor: Liam makes Fox pas as Scully cakes it up

More bad luck for the UKIP deserter who once famously claimed he had prevented a gay donkey from raping his horse.

First, his new Democrats And Veterans party have chosen the abbreviation D&V – which turns out to be medical shorthand for ‘diarrhoea and 
vomiting’.

And second, for reasons which should be obvious, Rees-Evans’ new colleagues seem eager to pretend that the animal in their logo is not a donkey – although it looks just like one and the party’s manifesto also features a photo of a donkey eating grass.

Explained founder Trevor Coult: ‘The donkey depicts a workhorse.’

So that’s that cleared up, then!

JACOB REES-MOGG

Posted a video on Instagram of him teaching two-year-old son Alfred Wulfric Leyson Pius Rees-Mogg to say ‘Brexit’. Well, it’s a lot easier than saying ‘Alfred Wulfric Leyson Pius Rees-Mogg’…

LORD DIGBY JONES

The Brexity businessman is fuming after TNE’s Yasmin Alibhai-Brown dubbed senior Leave propagandists ‘the Brexshitters’. ‘Reasoned, constructive stuff,’ he harumphed. Yet double standards Digby’s argument is somewhat undermined by his own continual use of the word ‘Remoaners’ on Twitter – including this triumphal message in July 2017: ‘So that’s trade deals with both the US and Oz in the bag. Remoaners must be hating this.’

Alas, seven months on, those trade deals have mysteriously failed to turn up. Brexshitters indeed!

DARREN GRIMES

‘It’s morally wrong that a single individual is attempting to use his wealth to alter the will of millions of everyday Brits,’ wrote Grimes on the George Soros affair.

Yes, that’s a lecture on the morality of political donations from Darren Grimes, who was a 23-year-old fashion student when he received a £625,000 gift from Vote Leave in the final days of the referendum campaign.

Entirely coincidentally, he then chose to hand it straight to a data analytics company also linked with by Vote Leave – not something the official Brexit campaign could have done themselves as it would have breached their donations limit.

MICHELLE BROWN

Confirming that her neck is made entirely of brass, the Welsh AM argued that she should not be suspended from the Welsh Assembly for calling Chuka Umunna a ‘f**king coconut’ because she considered it merely a ‘verbal short-cut’ and ‘not racist’.

This plea worked about as well as expected – Ms Brown is now facing a week without pay as well as an internal UKIP investigation. In typically conciliatory mood, her spokesman said: ‘The committee have reached the wrong conclusion.’

HENRY BOLTON

Oh Henry! The ‘Kipper Casanova told the leader of Thanet’s dissident UKIP group to step down after losing the party’s confidence… after himself refusing to step down after losing a 
vote of confidence from 
the party’s national executive 
committee!

Bolton, who faces removal at an EGM this weekend, also hinted that he would send his lover Jo Marney a Valentine card, but refused to confirm it would contain the verse ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m honestly not a racist, and neither are you’.

PAUL SCULLY

The Sutton and Cheam MP revealed himself to be the only person in Britain too thick to understand the old saying when he tweeted: ‘Hearing the usual #Brexit argument on #marr that we can’t have our cake and eat it. There is literally no point to cake if it can’t be 
eaten.’

Scully later insisted he had been joking, leaving us hoping that he’s not too thick to understand the old saying ‘chinny reckon’.

MANDY BOYLETT

The Joan Baez of Brexit has released her third pro-Leave track, No Divorce Bill, on YouTube. Lyrics of the bouncy Eurodance number include ‘There’s no legal reason to 
pay, so just let us leave and we’ll be on our way’.

Alas, both the tune and the ‘no-no, no-no-no-no’ chorus bear such a strong resemblance to 1993 hit No Limits that if 2Unlimited ever hear it, Mandy might end up with ‘legal reason to pay’ them a large sum in royalties…

KATE HOEY

Labour’s boat-loving Brexiteer seized on a small portion of the leaked Treasury Brexit assessments showing 
a positive outcome for
British fishing and demanded that Sky News’ Faisal 
Islam should cover it immediately.

That will be the same Kate Hoey who, when details of the assessments first emerged, told Parliament: ‘The person who leaked this within the Whitehall establishment would be better off moving to and working in Brussels’.

LIAM FOX

Writing in The Sun, the Trade Secretary told lucky readers he would ‘point to 
the facts’ to show 
Britain was booming post-Brexit.

He began: ‘In 2017, we saw the highest level of Foreign Direct Investment projects into the United Kingdom in our history – a vote of confidence in the future from real investors.’

Sadly for the Fox, those record FDI figures came in 2016. Last year FDI into the UK fell by around 90%.

Fox also told The Sun ‘exports of 
our goods increased by 15.9% and services rose by 11.6% to £617billion in the year to October 2017’ but neglected to say that, as his own department’s reports make clear, ‘the European Union was the geographic area that saw the largest increases’.

Yet more bending the truth to suit his own ends from the Fanatic Mr Fox.